saga/title/fandom: Don't Wake Up chapter ten

author: Chriscent

rating/genre: (adult) - romance

warnings: slash, language, heated sexual content

summary: X comes home to Los Angeles to square things with his friends after being gone for months and end up getting more than he could have dreamed.

comments/disclaimers: Standard Disclaimers apply.

Chapter Ten

“Shit.”

Xander dropped back onto the bed. He heard the shower start as he glared up at the ceiling. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

And when did you start talking to yourself, you crazy fucker?

He groaned and dropped a hand over his eyes.

Let’s look at the facts here! You’ve been attracted to Matt for years! What’d ya think was gonna happen? Jerk each other off and you’d be over it? You coulda done that at home!

You just had the best sex of you life, which, if we look at the bitter truth, is prolly just gonna get better if Matt actually fucks ya.

What did that article say? Men can get off without having their dick even touched, yeah. Fuckers didn’t mention what would happen if it was touched!

Damn! I thought I was gonna explode!

“I did,” he said to the empty room, his hand still covering his eyes.

So, what do we got here? I get to be with the guy I’ve secretly wanted for years, and have loved even longer. I get off better than I ever have before…

Let’s look at that for a moment. Have you ever lost consciousness before cuz you came so hard? He knew he hadn’t.

So what’s the problem? Anal sex?

He had never had anal sex with any of the women he’d been with. It had been discussed several times, and even offered, but he had always scorned it. He had told himself it was gross, that fags did that, etc, etc.

But was it gross? It wasn’t the nicest thing in the world, but he’d had sex with women that had been worse. It had almost been a point to brag on, ‘Had to change the sheets’, sorta thing.

So what else? What people would think? Well, it wasn’t like they were gonna go around holdin’ hands now, or anything. He didn’t know how Matt felt, but he’d prefer keeping their relationship a secret. For now.

So his stereotypical views of ‘fags’ was all that was the real problem? And if he was honest with himself, he’d say he had actually promoted his bad opinion. If he told himself it was ‘wrong’ enough times it would be easier to accept not having the one person he wanted most, right? And, honestly, the reality of it didn’t match his presumptions at all. The reality of it made him think of that stupid article about ‘bonding’ and ‘showing intimacy’.

He growled in frustration and sat up to stare at the bathroom door.

Xander had always prided himself on ‘no fear’. He never let anything hold him back. He had always done exactly whatever he wanted. So…

Quit your bitchin’ and do what ya want!

What he wanted to do was apologize to Matt. The guy had just given him the most extreme sexual experience of his life and was probably even now jerking himself off in the shower. Now that’s not very nice.

He was aggravated with himself for letting his doubts and programmed reservations push Matt away. Matt had been right, he was being stupid. He was what he was. And if that means I’m bisexual, or just plain ol’ gay, then I just better fuckin’ get used to it.

The water in the shower shut off while he was crossing the room to the bathroom. Matt was toweling off when X pushed the door open, leaning against the frame. He was both ashamed and relieved to see that Matt’s dick was still standing hard and proud. Poor guys gonna have a serious case of blue balls, unless..

“I’d like to make a confession.”

Matt still looked aggravated when he met X’s gaze. “Yeah?”

Xander nodded, “Yeah.” He blatantly dropped his gaze, his eyes scanning Matt’s damp body. Finally he met the man’s eyes again and he could see the change already. Matt didn’t look pissed anymore, he was just…waiting. Xander forced himself not to look away from Matt’s shining hazel eyes. “Yeah. See, I’ve been attracted to you for years. Don’t know how many times I had to adjust cuz your dumbass started stripping in front of me.” Matt smiled slightly at this. “Been calling myself a stupid fag cuz I figured there was no way this was ever gonna happen.”

Xander could feel his heart beginning to hammer at his nervousness. He swallowed hard and continued, “Then I find out that I like taking it in the ass, the very thing I told myself I hated.” He rubbed a hand roughly across his lips, but refused to look away from Matt. “I’m sorry. I was thinking of my fears and not that it was you.” He pressed his lips together and took a deep breath before smiling, “Maybe I should start rubbin’ your head.” Matt smiled a bit again.

“I never allowed myself to hope we’d be together like this, and then I almost pushed you away when it did.” He finally stepped toward Matt, “I don’t want to mess this up. I’m proud to be your lover.”

Matt’s eyes closed with a frown at those words. So the idea’s bothering him too.

“Anyway,” Xander continued, “I want to apologize to you.”

Matt smiled, looking at him again, “I thought you just did.”

Xander raised a brow, and glanced down, “I thought I could show you in a more penitent way.”

One brow rose as Matt smiled slyly. “Say it,” he commanded.

X’s eyes narrowed at his friend, but he smiled, “Okay. Matt, I wanna suck your dick. If I’m ever gonna be a good crotch-biter I gotta practice and, you look like you’re in need.”

Matt snorted, “That it?”

“Yeah.”

Matt nodded, tilting his head back, his arms folded across his chest. “Then go down, X.”

Xander grinned and slowly dropped to his knees, his gaze holding Matt’s until he couldn’t. Matt’s hand immediately reached out to touch X’s head. For a moment Xander thought he was gonna be a dick and help him get started, but Matt wasn’t like that. The rude comments and bravado were just that, done for fun. The actual doing should be willful.

Matt just rubbed his head and gave him an amused look. “You don’t really have to do this.”

Xander slid his fingers around the erection before him. “What?” He looked up at Matt’s face, “Grovel before you or suck your cock?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, and Matt’s only response was a soft moan as his mouth slid onto him.

Afterward, Xander climbed into the shower, leaving Matt sitting trembling on the toilet seat. He stood under the hot spray for long minutes, just glorifying in the idea of being clean again. It seemed like lately he was always filthy and stinking of sweat or something worse. Can thank the fucking NSA for mosta that!

Matt eventually started talking to him. Everyday shit, house, son, ex-wife, career, travel, the same ol’ shit. X wasn’t really listening, but enjoying the sound of Matt’s voice.

He handed him the only toothbrush prepped with toothpaste when he climbed out still dripping. Xander eyed the man and wondered if he was trying to tell him that his breath stank. Foaming at the mouth, he wondered how itcouldn’t. He’d brushed his teeth the previous morning, but had since swallowed two loads of cum and taken a nap. Yeah, it prolly stank.

The window shades were glowing with the faint light of the rising sun when they left the bathroom. Both men ignored it. It wasn’t discussed but neither hesitated as they went straight to the bed and proceeded to pass out.

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