saga/title/fandom: Don't Wake Up chapter eleven
rating/genre: (adult) - romance
warnings: slash, language, heated sexual content
summary: X comes home to Los Angeles to square things with his friends after being gone for months and end up getting more than he could have dreamed.
comments/disclaimers: Standard Disclaimers apply.
When Xander began to wake there was no question of whether or not he was alone. The idea of waking from a dream into a dream was unsettling. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up to something so enjoyable.
“Matt, what are you doing?” His voice came out as a hoarse growl and he quickly followed his words with a low groan.
“Mm-hm,” Xander rolled onto his back causing Matt to move back. He sat back on his feet and looked down at X. “I’d say good mornin’, but I think it’s afternoon.”
Matt glanced around the well-lit room and then at the window that was lit brightly by the afternoon sun. “Yeah, but I always like it best when I just wake up.”
Xander smiled, “Oh, so ya want me to bend over for ya?”
Matt frowned, watching him carefully. “You’d do it?”
Rubbing a hand across his eyes Xander growled in frustration, feeling his body react to just the idea of Matt fucking him. “Unfortunately I’ll probly like it.”
Matt leaned over him. His hair brushed across the hand still covering X’s eyes just before his mouth covered his. Xander kissed him back. He could feel the rough whiskers covering the other man’s lower face rubbing at his own. The sensation was so bizarre, but it was so them. Xander pulled him closer, forcing the abrasiveness into his skin almost painfully, and loving it.
Matt pulled back at last and rubbed his mistreated lips, a smile shining in his eyes. “You’re a strange guy, X.”
“Fuck you,” he whispered.
Matt smiled wickedly, “That’s what I want to do to you.”
Xander closed his eyes, swallowing hard, but after a moment he nodded slightly.
Matt chuckled, “You’re about fucked up. Pissed that ya like it. That’s screwed up.”
Matt was climbing off of the bed as he spoke. Xander watched him grab the lotion and toss it onto the bed before heading for the bathroom. Xander didn’t move as he waited for him to come back. When he returned he moved to the side of the bed and just stood there looking down at him.
“I don’t mean t’be screwed up,” Xander said, his tone soft.
Matt snorted and shook his head. “Shut up an’ get over here.” Xander still didn’t move and finally Matt sighed, crossing his arms loosely before him, “Look, X,” he took a long deep breath. “I want you more than I care to admit. And you need this.” His shoulders shrugged at bit, “Maybe once it’s done you’ll see that nothing’s gonna change and you can stop fuckin’ whining. You’re not gonna be less of a person just cuz you had my dick in you.”
Xander was genuinely shocked stupid. Well, oh…kay.
He started to get up and Matt intercepted him as he still sat on the edge of the bed. He looked up at him with raised brows, “May I use the bathroom or do you want to hold my hand through that too?”
Matt nodded, stepping back and held out a hand indicating he could move.
Xander took his time going to the bathroom. After washing his hands and splashing cold water on his face he stood looking at himself in the mirror. Sighing he tossed the towel aside, still looking at mirror, “My best friend’s waiting to fuck me and I want him to.”
The door creaked as it slowly swung open and he stared at the reflection of Matt standing just behind him in the doorway. Shit! He heard that!
Matt’s expression was just of patience, “Then let’s go, big guy.”
Xander smiled to himself and walked towards the bed. His heart was galloping a mile a minute, feeling like he had just run a couple miles, or was gettin’ ready to jump out of a plane or something. He forced his fears away, annoyed with himself for letting them get to him. His cool sarcasm came unerringly to his defense. “You’re gonna be gentle with me, ain’tcha?”
Matt chuckled. Several steps short of reaching the bed he gripped X’s upper arm and turned him. “Shut up.” Matt’s lips touched his and Xander responded instantly.
Minutes later they still clung to each other, both panting for breath, but Xander refused to release him. Why is this different? He couldn’t recall how many times they’d kissed since he’d entered the downstairs room last night. But he realized suddenly that they hadn’t stood to do it since the beginning. Matt was nearly equal to him in height, and with them standing they both had their hands free to… He groaned into Matt, clutching at his hard muscles, his kiss seeking more, loving the way their bodies met so perfectly.
At Matt’s urging they began to shuffle towards the bed. Xander almost felt like they were dancing. Naked and groping each other, mouths locked heatedly together with a bed waiting for them, but dancing, kinda. His legs bumped into the bed and he gripped Matt tightly as if it was the edge of a cliff he was about to be pushed over instead of a harmless mattress. Don’t be so fuckin’ stupid!
But Matt didn’t push him. He just continued to kiss him and stroke down his body with callous rough hands. When his mouth moved away from his to lick a path down his neck he was gasping for air. Matt’s stubble was chafing his neck harshly, his mouth biting and sucking at him, and Xander just wanted more.
“Mmmmmh, Matt. That’s fu—” Teeth sinking into his throat cut off the groan of words.
Xander gripped Matt’s shoulders, rubbing his hands over the smooth skin. He smiled to himself when his hands slid into Matt’s short hair. His fingers curled tight, probably hurting him, but Matt didn’t protest. His mouth was searing a path down X’s chest. When he latched onto a nipple Xander groaned and used his hands in his friend’s hair to hold him to him.
The gradual drop until he was sitting on the bed almost went unnoticed. Matt seemed to be multi-tasking. His mouth nipped at his other nipple causing him groan and attempt to smother the man against his chest, just as his hand was finding his cock. Yet the reality that Matt was working towards a goal never strayed from Xander’s mind and he wondered if he’d be able to obey when he asked him to turn around.
Xander’s hands dropped to the bed so he could lean back, instinctively giving Matt better access. His lover’s mouth never lost contact. He planted a hand on the bed himself to support himself as his other stroked down the length of X’s erection to cup and massage his balls.
Xander groaned, “Damn, Matt. Uh, mmmmhh.”
Matt’s hand stroked his cock again as his mouth reversed directions. He bit X’s nipple, making him gasp at the near pain. And then he was smiling up at him. “Kiss me.”
Xander stretched his head forward to reach him. Matt moved closer, to between his legs, which were still hanging off the edge of the bed, and then their mouths were locked together. Xander moaned around the hot tongue searching his mouth, sparring heatedly for the shared space. His hips thrust into the hand toying with him just before Matt took it away.
Xander knew what was coming, but forced himself to concentrate only on the feel of his mouth on Matt’s. He was panting with need, and his dick actually ached to be touched as he waited for a breath held moment. The brush of Matt’s hand against his inner thigh gave him forewarning, but he still flinched at the cold press of lotion.
Matt didn’t seem to like foreplay. His fingers were rubbing the lotion onto him and then he was inside him. Xander jerked his head away from their kiss with a growl. Oh, God! He dropped back onto the bed feeling Matt slide in and out of him. Then he slid free and pressed into him again with…what? Two fingers? Three? It felt like his whole damn hand! Xander groaned roughly at the stroking motion, his sounds matching Matt’s rhythm, feeling both frustration and deep pleasure. He locked his hands above his head, not knowing what else to do with them, and then couldn’t control his hips from moving against the slick increasing momentum into his body. It didn’t hurt, not in the least. It just felt so damn hot and full.
Xander groaned continuously, soft grunts timing with Matt pressing the deepest. He dreaded Matt asking him to move, to turn over. His stomach clenched at the very thought. In spite of that irritating dread his body was virtually quivering in need. Matt hadn’t touched his dick again, his free hand stroking his stomach and hip and leg instead. And that was probably a good thing! X felt like the first touch of his throbbing cock would end all this. His balls were so tight it felt like they were trying to climb into his body.
Matt’s hand was suddenly pressing hard against his thigh, pushing his leg out. Xander groaned at the new feelings as the movement caused his body to clamp down on the fingers buried in him. Then Matt was gently pulling free and he moaned at the…loss? Oh, God!
He brought his hands down, knowing that the dreaded moment had come, and he reluctantly began to move. He lifted his head to sit up, his eyes locking with Matt’s, and he stilled at the expression he saw there. He felt the softer shape press against him and his eyes narrowed, instantly comprehending the anxious frown on Matt’s face. He was—
Matt thrust into him, hard and fast. Xander cried out, his head dropping back as his body flexed against the new intrusion.
Matt didn’t move any further. He just leaned over him, strong arms supporting him, and looked down at him. Xander’s breathing settled to heavy panting, eventually. He opened is eyes to see just the hint of a smile on Matt’s face.
Xander nodded a bit. His eyes fell closed at feeling his muscles flexing on the cock buried in him. He moaned softly, a frown of concentration on his face as he tried to think past the new incredible feelings enough to speak. After a straining pause he slowly opened his eyes, “What, uh, how did you know—“
Matt smiled, “Why do you think the bed is so fuckin’ high?”
Xander frowned and Matt seemed to understand.
He answered the unspoken question with the same slightly smug smile, “I was married, remember? This ain’t much different.”
X snorted, his eyes blinking slowly closed. He felt lethargic, almost drowsy, but he could still feel the thrum of his blood rushing through him and centering his awareness on the unyielding thickness filling him. His dick throbbed with the steady pulsing, as usual the self-centered appendage just wanted more. He felt like he was in a suspended calm before what would surely be a storm.
“Are you ready?”
Xander blinked several times to clear his foggy head, and then smiled lazily, “You shoulda asked me that before ya stuck it in.”
Matt just smiled. He lifted, pulling back, drawing out. Xander groaned low in his chest at the intense feeling. His legs squeezed at Matt’s hips, feeling awkward for being spread wide enough for Matt to fit there. Then he was being filled again and he gasped for air.
Matt didn’t move fast. He retreated slowly before he sliding effortlessly back in each time, and it didn’t take long for X to want him to go faster. His nonstop grunts and hoarse groans matched Matt’s rhthym. His hands found Matt’s arms and pulled at him, wanting, needing…something. A strange pressure was building in him. His body was rocking on the bed with Matt’s measured thrusts, and his hips were pressing closer, inadvertently writhing on the cock sliding in and out of him.
Xander groaned in near pain at the agony of pleasure and need. He didn’t think his body could become any more rigid. Grunting and panting he managed to speak. “Matt. Please. God. Please.”
“Am I hurting you?” Matt whispered, his voice strained.
Xander groaned, his body trying to meet Matt’s. Not knowing how to move to aid this, he growled in frustration. “God. No. Matt. Please.”
Matt’s hand touching him, stroking down his cock, was nearly electrifying. He arched up, needing more of the contact. His chest heaved, finally drawing in enough air.
Matt pumped him in time with his hips stroking into him and he writhed against the two sensations. Exalting in the feeling rolling over him, traveling downward through him. His head felt like it was slowly seeping empty, going numb, so other parts could build to a throbbing flaming explosion.
“God, Matt. Yessss!”
His short thrusts into Matt’s hands were actually urging him faster. Matt matched him, but groaned himself, thrusting awkwardly into him. The feel of Matt going rigid, his hands unwittingly clutching him tighter, his thrusts hard and irregular, was all Xander needed. He roared with his release, feeling the hot surge of Matt cumming deep inside him. He convulsed beneath him, and on him. His hips bucked into clenching hands and the tight muscles surrounding Matt constricted, squeezing a harsh cry from Matt.
They both poised, straining against each other for the space of several heartbeats. Then they were slowly relaxing, panting for air. Matt collapsed on him and then was sliding, off of him and the bed. Xander gripped his upper arms, pausing with a whimper of sound at the feel of Matt’s cock slipping hotly free of him. He physically hauled the man up and onto the bed beside him, and then wrapped his arms around him as they settled together with a collective sigh.
They lay still for a long time, breathing unevenly, slick skin cooling. Matt’s face was pressed against his sweat dampened shoulder. He rubbed his jaw on X’s skin, the stubble making Xander flinch, “Oh, my God,” he groaned.
Xander smiled, “You can say that again.” He could feel the fluids cooling on his body and shivered at the thought of how many and where they were. His hands smoothed down the sweaty skin of Matt’s back. He loved the feel of their bodies damp and sticky pressed together. It made him want to climb onto him all over again.
“That wasn’t in that article,” he thought softy aloud.
Matt chuckled, “Didn’t know I didn’t hav’ta bend ya over?”
“I never really thought about it. I just assumed…”
Matt kissed his collarbone before lifting his head to stare down at him still licking his lips. “You would’ve hated that.”
Xander just closed his eyes and nodded.
Matt kissed him. It was the most gentle he had been. The firmness of their mouths and the rough rasping of their skin made it a far cry from ‘delicate’, but it wasn’t the hard demanding kisses of earlier. Their breaths sighed into each other, both physically relaxing after the stressed exertion of what they had just done.
Xander twisted, forcing Matt to roll so that he was above him. He searched Matt’s face, frowning down at him for a long moment as he stared at him. “Thank you. For today, for last night. I really do love you.”
Matt smiled slowly, “I know, X.” He continued to just smile softly up at him, “I’ve known for years. I just had to get used to the idea, and, well, I was kinda married.”
The corner of his mouth tilted up at Matt’s humor but he cringed at his words, “You knew?”
“You weren’t as secretive about your little ‘adjusting’ as you thought.”
Xander closed his eyes and groaned as he realized what his friend was saying. His mouth covered Matt’s in a hard exploring, possessive kiss that he had no intention of ending soon. He had known! And he had still been his friend! Xander wondered if he would’ve been able to do the same thing if he had learned that one of his friends was lusting after him. No.
It was more than an hour later before they both climbed into their own clothes. Matt got fresh jeans, while Xander pulled on his from the day before.
They had taken a shower together, both feeling awkward at first. But bravado and lust had won out and they had ended up making out and stroking each other to shuddering climaxes beneath the hot spray.
Matt came out of the closet fully dressed with an extra T-shirt for Xander. His had been left behind in the basement. Finishing tying his boot he stood and pulled the offered shirt over his head.
“So what now?”
Matt frowned, “I don’t know.”
Xander smiled, his cocky nature rearing to hide his discomfort. “You’re not really the marryin’ type.”
Matt smiled, almost sadly. “I have a flight booked for tomorrow. Skate comp in Melbourne.”
Xander’s face slowly formed the lines of a frown. He hadn’t thought of the reality of their busy lives. He could think of times before when he and Matt hadn’t seen each other for weeks at a time. And that was before the NSA had started yanking him around. His heart tightened strangely as he looked at Matt. This wasn’t going to be a ‘happily ever after’. When, stupid as he was, that’s kinda what he wanted.
“When do you leave again?” Matt asked.
Xander rubbed his head, scowling, “I don’t know. I gotta get shit straightened out here. Make it easier to pick up and go…” His eyes shot to Matt’s when he realized what he had said. He was cutting his attachments here. He was making it easier to not be here, when suddenly that’s all he wanted. His shoulders slumped, “Shit,” he growled.
Matt shrugged, his thumbs hooking into his jeans pockets in a familiar slouch. “Where are you goin’ next?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered, lost in thought. “I get a couple weeks off, and then I won’t know till I get there. That’s part of the fun.”
Matt nodded, “Then I guess I’ll just have to see ya later.”
Xander’s jaw clenched, his lips pressing tightly together. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Matt. People that knew him would see how dangerous his mood was, but Matt just smiled slightly and nodded.
Xander hated having to leave. He hated walking away. But he did.
A week later the marks on his body had faded. The unique soreness had only lasted a day or two. Xander had hated looking into the mirror and seeing that the last purple bite mark, the one on his neck, had faded. There was nothing left. Nothing to remind him that it had really happened. Now it was just a memory. It could’ve all been just a dream.
A month later, sweltering in the scorching sun of South Africa he wasn’t sure he hadn’t dreamt it all. Just another fantastic and incredibly vivid fantasy of being with the man he wanted most.
His first attempt at sex, which he had postponed until it was nearly painful, was quite interesting. He found he wasn’t looking at women in the same glowing light anymore. Oh, he still admired the scantily clad curvy women that seemed to be thrown at him, but they just seemed too soft. He thought of trying to have sex with another man, but that was like a punch in the gut to his libido. Men weren’t attractive to him, ‘cept one.
Over the next couple months he returned to his flat several times for just a day or so each time. But Fate was a cruel bitch and Matt was a busy guy. It was uncanny how Matt always seemed to be traveling during his fleeting visits.
After a weeklong stay at home when he’d been certain he’d get a chance to see Matt he had left in a dangerous mood. Gibbons’ smug ass caught the brunt of it. Xander was then pissed at himself for going off on the man that he grudgingly respected more and more. He got lost in a bottle of…something and woke up in an unfamiliar bed between two women. He had slunk away and washed off the stink of sex and woman and booze, and acknowledged that it wasn’t meant to be. He and Matt were men, and lived entirely too differently. He was disgusted with himself for letting his need for another man control his life. He just had to let it go.
He dragged into the house in the middle of the night after a twelve-hour flight. His flat looked neglected. He’d been gone for a month and most of his stuff was covered in dust clothes. He’d have someone come in and clean in the morning since he’d be home for a couple weeks. Times before he hadn’t bothered. Why have someone clean the place and uncover everything just to cover it again the next day?
He dropped his bag on the floor, wincing as it clunked hard on the floor and wondered if he had broken anything. Pulling a blanket from the linen closet he pulled the dust clothe off the bare mattress of his bed. He sighed wearily and sat to remove his boots, but he didn’t make it. The blanket ended up doubling as a pillow as he slumped onto the bed, feet still on the floor, and passed out.
Rested and showered he stood in the kitchen eating stale pretzels from a bag that he had found, refusing to look at the expiration date. Two women were joking back and forth as they went about cleaning his house. He listened to their friendly chatter, husbands and work and kids, etc. When was the last time he had just hung out with his friends and had a good time? Talked shit and goofed off? It had been a while.
The phone on the counter rang as if on cue. He looked at the flashing 312 indicating how many messages he had, with a grin. Yeah, let me get to those. He grabbed up the phone, “Yeah?”
“X! It’s about fucking time. Did ya forget ya had friends, or what?” came the familiar voice.
“Hey, man, what’s goin’ on.”
“Bunch of us meetin’ at Matt’s and then goin’ down to Eaton’s. He put in that new half-pipe and we’re all slobberin’ to get at it.”
Xander’s heart lurched at the mention of Matt. He swallowed hard, pulling air in slowly to hide his reaction. “Yeah. That sounds good. When?”
Xander pulled his motorcycle into a small space left at the curb across the street from Matt’s basement. More then a dozen guys were milling around the various ramps and boards and bikes strewn across the concrete pad and coming out into the street. He grinned as they all shouted a greeting at him, a half-dozen of them coming across the street to him. Matt wasn’t there.
Xander hated himself for looking for the man among the faces of his friends, but couldn’t stop himself. It had been more than five months since he had left that night, if it had been real. He was beginning to wonder if his overactive and depraved dreams had just made it seem real.
A group of guys had left just minutes before, and now they all followed, stuffed into Sammy’s Explorer or on their own motorcycles. When they reached Eaton’s several guys were already on the half-pipe. Xander recognized Matt’s lithe form even across the distance separating them. His friend, lover, was magnificent. It was awesome to watch him, catching air and grinding haphazardly on the edge of falling, before gracefully taking the four-foot vertical drop to swoop back up the other side.
The guys noted their arrival and stopped skating to welcome them. The two groups of friends came together, joking and taunting and laughing. Xander could feel Matt’s eyes on him, but he was almost afraid to look at him.
He shouldn’t have been. The look Matt gave him went unnoticed by the men milling around them, but Xander clearly understood. He hadn’t dreamt it, thankfully. He nodded his head slightly, and then turned to a younger member of the group who was talking to him.
They all separated, eager to test the new ramp and work their favorite sports on the old ones. Matt held back until it was just the two of them walking, carrying their boards, but far from alone.
“How ya been?” Matt asked.
“Fine. Busy.” He blanched at the harsh tone of his own voice.
Matt nodded and smiled at him almost sadly, “Okay. Well, it’s good to see ya, X.” And he turned and walked away.
Xander ground his teeth in frustration. He wanted to grab the man and…well, fuck him! He sighed and turned away as well, not really eager to spend the entire afternoon skating twenty feet from Matt, his former best friend, and lover.
The remote slid across the floor with more force than he had intended and cracked loudly as it hit the wall. The satellite had been shut off, so he discovered, and he didn’t feel like getting up to dig out a DVD. He brought his beer to his mouth and let the remainder pour into his mouth. Two more bottles remained in the still ice-cold six-pack sitting beside him. He dropped his empty into its hole and grabbed the next one. Boy! Ain’t we havin’ fun!
His flat was almost completely dark. Streetlight filtered in through the elevator’s gate. Otherwise the small glow of displays of time and power on his stereo and microwave and VCR was the only light in the house. And it suited him just fine.
He had every intention of finishing his six-pack and then getting another of the two waiting in the fridge. His night’s plans were in full swing. He just dreaded that he’d have to get up at some point to replace his six-pack or go to the bathroom.
He had just tipped his beer to his mouth when the cell phone on his hip started bleating rudely. He finished half the bottle before leisurely reaching for the annoyance. He contemplated sending it after the mote for a long moment, but then hit the button and growled, “What?”
Silence followed. He was just getting ready to send it after the mote after all when his caller spoke. “I’m outside. Can I come up?”
Xander stopped breathing. His mind whispered an answer, but he wasn’t sure if the word was audible. He slowly rose, his eyes glued to the wooden gate of the elevator, the phone still to his ear. With a grating sound the elevator started to descend, beckoned from below. His heart thumped painfully in his chest, the sound rushing through his head as well. He realized he could hear an echo of the elevator. The phone at his ear still had an open line to the man below hearing the same thing.
The elevator went silent for a long moment, rattling sounds coming from below, and then the motor groaned as it started coming back up. He moved closer to the gate, holding his breath.
Xander watched the man he’d been dreaming of constantly for the past five months, as well as years before that, slowly rise into his view. Matt was leaning against the back wall, his arms crossed over his chest.
Xander realized he was still holding the phone. He tossed it negligently in the direction of the couch.
Matt smiled at him through the wooden slats separating them. “I’m free for at least the next week. How bout you?”
Xander grinned. He lifted the gate.
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